Beginners luck, p.16
Beginner's Luck, page 16
The stereo system was easy enough to set up—figuring out where to place the speakers was the hardest part. As it was, the living room could have doubled as a museum, with art crowding the walls, sculptures and souvenir tchotchkes on every surface, and rugs covering every inch of the floor. Jay’s mom wandered in and out as he worked, frowning at every suggestion. Eventually, Jay gave up and asked his dad to figure out an acceptable spot.
After his parents had a brief conversation in the kitchen, his mom returned and cleared a shelf, stacking delicate vases in her arms while glaring at the speakers. On her way out, she cupped Jay’s cheek and smiled, wordlessly letting him know her frustrations didn’t extend to him. Jay tried not to chuckle at the resignation on his dad’s face as they finished setting up. The new gadget had been his dad’s idea, and he was probably regretting it now that it had disturbed the perfectly curated peace of his wife’s living room.
Jay wasn’t worried. His parents bickered and huffed at each other, but it never lasted. Their love was too big to hold a grudge.
By the time they sat down to a simple dinner of herbed rice and kabobs, everything was back to normal. The three of them chatted about TV shows and neighborhood news, easy topics that didn’t require Jay’s full attention. He was glad Layla and Jasmine weren’t there—they would have immediately picked up on his distracted mood and started prying.
Jay froze mid-bite. His sisters weren’t there. He could actually talk to his parents without their running commentary.
“I might be getting a promotion at work,” he blurted out.
The conversation halted as his parents slowly turned to face Jay, waiting for him to continue. He finished chewing and swallowed. “It’s not a done deal, but my boss thinks I’d be good at it.”
“Of course you would be,” his mom declared with complete certainty. Jay doubted she even understood what he did for work, despite explaining more than once, but her faith in her children didn’t require specifics.
He told them a little about the offer, focusing on the exciting aspects of more responsibility and mentoring employees, amused by their over-the-top excitement. It was as if he’d just announced he was being promoted to CEO.
Afterward, as he watched his mom pack up the leftovers, Jay realized something had been missing at dinner. Roasted tomatoes, a staple side for kabobs, were nowhere to be seen.
A wave of love crashed into him, tender and impossibly powerful. He walked over to his mom and clutched her in a tight embrace.
“What is wrong, joonam?”she asked as she hugged him back.
“Nothing’s wrong, Mama. Just wanted to tell you I love you,” Jay responded.
She leaned away from the hug and narrowed her eyes. “Are you sure nothing is wrong?”
Jay couldn’t help but chuckle. “I’m allowed to hug my mom without something being wrong, no?”
“Good. I love you too.” She squeezed one more time and let go, stacking containers of rice and meat into a paper bag and handing it to Jay.
Before leaving, Jay found his dad in the living room, busy studying the buttons on the stereo remote and comparing them with the manual. Despite Jay’s many offers, he preferred to learn new technology on his own, through trial and error. Mainly through error.
They hugged goodbye, and his dad lovingly kissed Jay’s cheeks and forehead, just as he did when Jay was a small boy.
The soft warmth of his parents’ house never failed to make Jay feel an innate sense of belonging and a tinge of melancholy. He loved his family, and he longed for his own—for a partner to share his house, for children to fill it with chaos. For an unassuming yet powerful love that lasted a lifetime.
* * *
“I brought Thai and burritos.” Jay lifted two bags with different restaurant logos. Aaron let out a small chuckle and gestured him inside the apartment.
“I figured we’d order together. Did you take a wild stab at what I might like?”
“I sure did. A few different things, and everything is vegetarian. I know you eat fish too, but I wasn’t sure about shrimp, so I played it safe.”
“Wow, you remembered.” Aaron seemed taken aback. “That’s really sweet of you. You don’t mind?”
Jay quirked an eyebrow at Aaron. “Why would I? It’s delicious either way.”
Aaron flashed Jay a brilliant smile that made his chest clench. He seemed far too grateful for such a small gesture. Had someone in his life actually complained about eating one meal without meat? Some people needed to broaden their palates.
“You can set the food over there. I’ll go grab some plates.” Aaron waved at the familiar coffee table in front of the couch and left the room.
Jay emptied the bags and arranged the containers next to a stack of books, sneaking a peek at the titles. Apparently, Aaron enjoyed science fiction.
As Aaron came back and started arranging plates and silverware, Jay stood back to admire the living room. He’d already seen every piece of furniture at the store, but it was the other stuff that made it feel like Aaron’s place—the large abstract painting with colorful lines of varying widths intersecting in a strangely satisfying way, a hand-painted ukulele with bright orange palm trees, a purple fleece blanket hanging off the back of the couch. Instead of being cold and minimalist, it was welcoming and cozy. There was even a large fern sitting on a platform by the window.
“Is that real?” Jay pointed to it.
Aaron followed his gaze and gasped in mock offense. “Do I not seem like a real plant person? Of course it’s real.”
“It’s such an adult thing to have. Like the painting. It’s a few steps above movie posters or framed pictures.”
Aaron shook his head at Jay with a chuckle before cracking open a container of red curry and inhaling the rich aroma. “Oh, this smells amazing. One of my favorites. And we’re both adults, Jay. Aren’t you almost thirty?”
Butterflies fluttered through Jay’s stomach, so relieved that Aaron liked his choice. He had stared at the menu for fifteen minutes before ordering, trying to remember every conversation they’d ever had about food.
“Jay? You didn’t lie about your age, did you?” Aaron poked him in the shoulder.
“You got me. I’m just an innocent eighteen-year-old,” Jay deadpanned. “And yeah, I know I’m an adult. I have a well-paying job. I own a house. Well, the bank owns half of it, and my parents helped with the down payment, but only because they were the ones insisting I buy instead of renting. But none of it feels like adulthood. I’m not getting sudden urges to buy plants or go to art galleries and purchase original art.”
“That’s a ridiculous way of looking at adulthood. People go their entire lives without owning plants. It’s not a necessary life milestone.” Aaron waved dismissively and patted the seat next to him. As Jay joined him on the couch, Aaron dipped a summer roll into the small container of peanut sauce and took a bite, moaning with pleasure. “Oh, it’s so good! We should put peanut sauce on everything.”
The sound stirred something primal inside Jay, and he hastened to open up the takeout containers as a distraction.
“I appreciate the enthusiasm, but maybe we should stick to one cuisine?” Aaron asked, pointing at the foil-wrapped burritos.
Jay chuckled. “Yeah, I mostly got that as a joke.”
Aaron hopped up and carried them to the fridge. “Your delightful sense of humor just ensured we both have lunch for tomorrow. Don’t forget to grab yours before you leave.”
They lapsed into a peaceful silence as they ate. To Jay’s delight, Aaron enthusiastically sampled each dish, praising the selections. When they finished, Jay insisted that Aaron keep half, but it didn’t escape his notice that Aaron gallantly left him the best-looking bites and kept the less exciting leftovers for himself.
Prickles of anxiety returned once everything was put away.
Aaron cued up some soft jazz. “For ambiance,” he explained with a playful smile that melted Jay’s heart before grabbing a manila folder from the bookshelf and handing it to Jay.
True to his word, everything was meticulously organized. The folder contained a printout of Aaron’s recent test results and a comprehensive list of kinks, each marked with levels of comfort and desire. Jay flipped through to find that it was eight pages long.
“How about you give me the highlights?” Jay asked. “I’ll read the whole thing later, but I’d much rather hear your limits from you directly.”
“No problem.” Aaron sat cross-legged on the couch and angled his body toward Jay. “A lot of my hard limits are pretty standard, the hardcore stuff. You’ll see those on the list. I’ll go over the more common ones that I’m not into. Obviously, I’m fine with scenes in public, but only at the club, and I never want another person to touch me during a scene. You already know I’m not into high protocol, so no sirs or masters or anything like that. I’m Aaron, you’re Jay. You’re in full control when it comes to sex, but not in any other area of my life.”
Jay made a noise of approval. So far, they were on the same page. He particularly appreciated that Aaron didn’t expect him to be dominant outside of their scenes.
“I’m not into orgasm denial. At all. Edging is fine, but if you get to come, I get to come.” He grinned at Jay, and Jay couldn’t help grinning back. The logic was sound.
“No rules or punishments. If you’re gonna spank me, it’s because we both want it. No pretending that I broke some arbitrary rule and you have to punish me.” Aaron bit his lower lip and scrunched his brow. “What else…if you’re into knife play, I’m totally into it, but no blood. Maybe a dull pocketknife or something like that.” He paused. “Is this too much of a data dump?”
Jay shook his head emphatically. “Absolutely not. This is important.”
“Okay then, just a few more things. These aren’t hard limits at all, more like…boundaries. I don’t want to kiss someone I’m not in a romantic relationship with. It’s silly, but I like the idea of reserving something special for a life partner.” There was a trace of something Jay couldn’t identify in Aaron’s voice, but it was gone by the next sentence. “On a similar note, I don’t want to have anal sex right away. Definitely not against it, but I’d like to work my way up to it, build some trust.” Aaron hummed in thought. “I think that’s it.”
“I totally get it. Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I love how open you are about this stuff,” Jay said, a little awed. Aaron’s easygoing attitude was making this the smoothest kink negotiation Jay had ever experienced.
“No point in beating around the bush.” Aaron shrugged. “I’m giving you full control of my body. It’s in my best interest that you know exactly what I want and don’t want.”
Jay skimmed through the pages in his hands. “Do you have a safe word or just the color system?”
“Colors work for me.” Aaron shifted and opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
“What is it?” Jay asked.
“It’s not very traditional. I don’t want it to be a turnoff.”
“Tell me.”
Aaron sighed and ducked his head. “I know a lot of Doms prefer that subs don’t speak or break immersion. I was just wondering if you were at all open to…talking during the scenes? Like, if I need an adjustment or something hurts in a bad way, can I just tell you instead of using yellow?”
“I don’t see why not. Neither of us is into protocol. So you can tell me your knee hurts and I will gently rearrange you before I get back to flogging your ass.”
He’d glimpsed Aaron’s fondness for flogging on the list, using the newfound knowledge to be playful. It had the desired effect—Aaron’s skin flushed, and a shy smile played on his lips. He cleared his throat. “Your turn.”
Jay straightened up and took a deep breath. None of his limits were out of the ordinary, but he was suddenly nervous to share them. He didn’t have Aaron’s natural confidence when it came to this stuff.
“The main thing is safety. I won’t do anything I can’t do safely, which may change with time, but for now includes anything with fire, even hot wax, nothing sharp, no breath play. I’ll put my hand on your throat, but I won’t choke you. Is that okay?”
He paused to wait for a reaction. Aaron looked confused at first, then smiled and brought his hand to his chest in mock concern. “Oh no, my Dom is trying to make sure I’m safe. How terrible.”
Jay gave him a playful shove, and Aaron laughed. “Please, continue.”
“I’m not into extreme verbal degradation. I can call you a slut and tell you how desperate you are for my dick, but that’s about the extent of it.”
Aaron hummed in agreement. “That’s enough for me. Anything meaner than that, and I’ll think you don’t like me.”
“We can’t have that,” Jay said in a tender voice and leaned closer to run his thumb down Aaron’s cheek. Such an intimate gesture would have been unthinkable a few days ago, but after everything they did at the club, it seemed almost mild. “Your safety—physical and emotional—is my main priority.”
Aaron’s expression softened, and he leaned into Jay’s touch. “I really appreciate that. But what about you? What are your boundaries?”
Jay reveled in the softness of Aaron’s skin under his palm, wondering whether the next thing he admitted would be a dealbreaker. He’d gone back and forth trying to decide whether to bring it up, but now, with Aaron’s soulful eyes piercing his heart, he knew he had to. Reluctantly releasing Aaron’s cheek, he said, “I’d like to be exclusive while we’re playing together.” The words were harder to get out than expected. “If either of us meets someone else, that would be the end of our arrangement.”
Aaron’s head tilted slightly, lips pressed together as he mulled it over. “Huh. I should have thought of that. I totally agree. If you hook up with someone else, it’s cool, no hard feelings, but we’re done.”
That wasn’t the most likely scenario, but there was no reason to point out that Aaron was far more likely to find someone else, so Jay stayed quiet.
Silence stretched as Aaron tapped a finger on his lower lip, as if trying to decide something. Was he still considering the exclusivity clause, or was it something else?
All of a sudden, Aaron’s shoulders tensed, and he pulled a throw pillow onto his lap while inching back, putting distance between them. “There’s…something else I need to tell you.”
The cadence was all wrong. Gone was the chatty, energetic man who had confidently laid out his wants and needs, replaced with someone hesitant, vulnerable. He looked fragile. Even on his first night at the club, when he’d obviously felt out of place, there hadn’t been any fear in his eyes.
There was fear now.
It struck Jay like a sharp blow. Fierce protectiveness surged through him, a desperate need to fix whatever was wrong, to chase Aaron’s shadows away. On instinct, he moved, closing the space between them, and Aaron’s eyes widened in surprise. Jay froze, heart pounding, afraid his sudden movement startled Aaron.
But Aaron didn’t pull away. He held Jay’s gaze, determination slowly creeping back into his expression. In a few moments, the last traces of vulnerability were gone, and Aaron nodded to himself, as if answering a silent question.
“I wasn’t planning on saying anything, but I don’t think I can keep this from you. It feels like lying.” He ran his fingers up and down the seam of the pillow.
“You can tell me anything,” Jay promised. He meant it. There was nothing Aaron could tell him that would keep him away.
“I’ve actually…never done this before.”
Jay tilted his head in confusion. “You’ve never talked about your kinks?” Why would Aaron be so nervous about that? It wasn’t that uncommon to have one-off scenes that included the bare minimum of discussion prior to starting.
Aaron let out a nervous laugh. “No, I mean this.” He gestured between them. “The Dom/sub thing. I never had a chance to explore before I met Mark.”
Jay stared at him in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”
“I’m not completely clueless,” Aaron said defensively. “I’ve done a lot of research.”
Jay blew out a breath. “I believe it. You’re telling me that was your first time having a negotiation?”
Aaron eyed him with a slight frown. “Yes?”
“That’s fucking impressive,” Jay said with admiration. He wouldn’t call himself an expert, but he’d been through a few of these conversations, and they’d never gone this smoothly. The fact that it was Aaron’s first made it downright shocking.
A small smile curled at the corner of Aaron’s lips. “You don’t mind?”
Jay leaned forward and put his hands on Aaron’s knees, looking deep into his eyes to make sure his point got across. “I don’t mind one bit. If you hadn’t told me, I never would have guessed. You can hold your own, you obviously know what you’re doing, and you were incredible on Friday. I only ask that you let me know if something bothers you or if things are going too fast, but I have a feeling you would do that anyway.”
Aaron smiled. “You know me too well. So, we’re good?”
“We’re great.”
“Excellent!” Aaron clapped his hands. “Now we can plan our next date. You can go home and look through the list, pick out your favorite things, and we’re all set.”
“Eager, are you?” Jay said with a laugh.
“Mark and his girlfriend are coming next Friday, and I would really like to see you before then.”
He’d almost forgotten the entire reason for their shopping trip. Aaron’s ex-husband was coming for a visit.
Jay wasn’t jealous. He had no reason to be. Aaron had described their relationship as a close friendship, and Jay believed him. Still, it was unsettling. Sixteen years was a long time. How could anyone possibly compare to the man Aaron had spent his entire adult life with?
All Jay could do was his best and hope it was enough.
“How about Thursday night? You can come over to my house.”
