Tempted, p.1
Tempted, page 1
Hate To Want You
Julia Jarrett
Copyright © 2023 by Julia Jarrett
This novel is a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is coincidental. Julia Jarrett asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. and Canadian copyright law.
Contents
Authors Note
Prologue
1. Max
2. Heidi
3. Max
4. Heidi
5. Max
6. Heidi
7. Max
8. Heidi
9. Heidi
10. Max
11. Heidi
12. Max
13. Heidi
14. Max
15. Max
16. Heidi
17. Max
18. Heidi
19. Max
20. Heidi
21. Max
22. Heidi
23. Heidi
24. Max
25. Heidi
26. Max
27. Heidi
28. Max
29. Heidi
30. Max
31. Heidi
Epilogue
Pretend To Love You Sneak Peek
Acknowledgments
Also By Julia Jarrett
About Julia Jarrett
Authors note
Please be aware that this book largely takes place on the pediatric floor of a hospital. There are several instances of sick children, and there is one death of a child due to cystic fibrosis. Dedicated care and attention was put into these scenes, including the use of sensitivity readers (parents of children with CF) to ensure these scenes were accurate as well as sensitive to how these scenes may land for readers.
Please read with caution if reading about pediatric illness is a trigger for you.
Also, I wish to acknowledge that as this book is set in Canada, where health care and the medical school system may seem different to what readers from other countries are accustomed to. Attention was paid to ensure details were accurate for the setting of this story.
Much love, Julia
Prologue
Ten years ago
Heidi
“I can’t believe today is your last day.” Ginny, who has been more like a mother to me than a boss over the last few years, folds me into her arms for a hug. “We’re going to miss you around here, girly.”
I squeeze her tightly. “I’m going to miss all of you.”
She pulls back slightly, bringing her hands to my shoulders. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
I paste on a bright smile, the one that makes my face hurt, but hopefully hides my misgivings. “Of course. This is the right decision for Thad’s career, so I’m supporting him.”
Ginny makes a sound of derision. She’s never hidden her opinions about my boyfriend, but today of all days — my last shift on the pediatric unit of Westport General — it stings more than usual. All my nursing colleagues have made it clear how much they’ll miss me and how they wish I wasn’t leaving. Even Clarence, the director, told me I’d always have a space here at Westport General if I wanted to come back. It’s nice to feel needed and wanted, but it also makes the ache in the pit of my stomach grow bigger.
“I’ll come back and visit.”
“You had better.” Ginny turns and looks over her shoulder at the conference room full of our coworkers who all gathered to say goodbye. My eyes go unbidden to one person in particular. The newest pediatrician to join the department, Max Donnelly.
He’s tall, slender yet muscular, with light brown hair that’s always perfectly styled. He exudes authority, but also warmth. I’ve seen him sit down on the floor and play with patients, and I’ve seen him stand up and face down parents we’ve suspected of abusing their children. He’s strong, and kind, and so freaking handsome.
And I shouldn’t be thinking any of that about him. Not with Thad on his way to pick me up so we can go home and finish packing.
But the truth is, I wish I had more time to get to know Max. The little I’ve seen, he’s an amazing man and an amazing doctor. Patients and families love him; he brings a peaceful comfort to them no matter what. He gets along with everyone, and is charming and polite, no matter who he’s interacting with. Everyone, from the cleaning staff to his physician colleagues, gets the same respect. It’s one of many things I admire about him.
I don’t want to leave.
When Thad announced he needed to be on the mainland for his career, what choice did I have but to agree? He’s promised me a future, marriage, and a family. And supporting the one you love is what you’re meant to do, isn’t it?
Even if it does sometimes feel like that support is very one-sided.
I make my way around the room, stopping to talk with all my coworkers who came out to say goodbye. Gradually, the room empties because everyone is going back to work.
“Seems like you’ll be missed.” The quiet deep voice vibrates through me. Pivoting on my feet, I see Max Donnelly standing casually to the side, his hands in his pockets.
“They’re wonderful people. It’s such a great team here.”
“It is. I feel quite fortunate to have started working here. Too bad it’s just as you’re leaving.” His lips quirk up into a smile.
“Yo, babe. You ready to blow this place?”
Thad’s voice announces his arrival and Max’s eyes harden. His lips draw into a thin line. I may not know the man well, but you’d have to be blind not to recognize the walls going up around him. Confusion makes a frown form between my eyebrows, but before I can say anything, Thad throws his arm over my shoulders.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
The low growl surprises me. I’ve never once heard such anger coming from Max. Thad squeezes me tighter, almost uncomfortably so. “Picking up my girlfriend.”
Max’s spine goes ramrod straight and I get the distinct impression I’m between two bulls, locked and ready to fight. And I don’t want to be in the middle of this — at all.
His eyes go to mine, and there’s a coldness in them I’ve never seen before. “How long have you two been together?” His words sound forced, as if he doesn’t really want the answer.
“Three years.”
His nostrils flare. He’s basically a stranger to me, but it’s clear Thad isn’t. And Thad has to be my priority. Pressing gently on Thad’s chest, I give Max one final smile before turning to my boyfriend. “Come on, let’s go home. There’s a lot left to pack still.”
“I thought you finished last night?” he says sharply, but thankfully, his attention is on me, not Max, who makes a swift exit. I feel a little bad for whatever just transpired, but at the same time, I’m completely in the dark over what exactly it was. And right now, Thad is my focus.
“I didn’t have time to finish the kitchen. We can just order some takeout and tackle it together.”
Thad’s irritated huff bothers me. Especially since I’ve done most of the packing on my days off. But I push it aside. It’s easier not to engage him when he’s annoyed. It’s easier to just go along with whatever he says.
Even if the voice in my head tells me all I ever do is go along with what he says. And it’s getting louder and louder every day.
As we walk down the hall toward the elevator, I see Max up ahead talking with another doctor. His head lifts, and our eyes meet. And the icy glare he shoots my way makes me shiver. I turn away and try to pay attention to what Thad is saying. But it’s difficult when a part of me wants to look back and see if I was imagining the vitriol in Max’s eyes.
Because why would a man who’s been nothing but respectful and kind turn cold so suddenly?
What could have possibly happened in the last ten minutes to make Max Donnelly act as if he hates me?
Chapter one
Present Day
Max
Some days my job is heartbreaking, and some days it’s just fun. Today, thankfully, it’s the latter.
“Boom! I just schooled you, doc,” my patient Sullivan cheers, dropping his video game controller down as he pumps his fist in the air.
“Darn, you really did.” I put my controller down and push up to standing. “We’ll do a rematch tomorrow?”
“Deal.” Sullivan’s smile fades. “How much longer am I gonna be in here?”
I sit back down beside the teen. He’s been stuck here, recovering from open heart surgery, for a week now. And if it weren’t for some issues with his blood work, he’d be home. “Hopefully, just a couple more days, bud.” I drop my hand on his shoulder and squeeze lightly before standing up again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I leave the patient lounge, and Sullivan, and head to the nursing station. I might not have planned to be a pediatrician when I first went into medicine, but I wouldn’t have it any other way now. Working with kids and their families, while challenging and painful when it doesn’t go well, is so rewarding when it does.
“Dr. Donnelly?”
That voice. I know that voice. I lift my eyes up from the computer screen where I’ve just pulled up some blood work for another patient and meet the deep green gaze of the most stunning woman I’ve ever met. Ironically, she’s also one of only two women on this planet I want nothing to do with.
“Heidi?”
There she is, looking just as beautiful as she was ten years ago. And just as repulsive, given what her presence here means. Her hand lifts to push a piece of hair behind her ear, and that’s when I see the flash of a gold band on her finger.
She fucking married him? That means if she’s back, he’s back.
“Dr. Donnelly, there you are.” The booming voice of the director for the pediatric program at WGH, Clarence Ross, echoes down the hall. “Ah, wonderful, I see you found him, Heidi. I mean, Dr. Morgan.” He winks at Heidi as my jaw drops open.
“Doctor?” I say, as if I didn’t hear him clearly, but hearing is different from comprehending, and seeing her again has apparently rattled my brain.
A slight pink tint covers her cheeks. If she were anyone else, it would be cute. But all it does is turn my stomach. “Yeah, I, um, decided to quit nursing and went to medical school. Now I’m in my final year of residency, and I was lucky enough to secure a spot here to finish out my program.”
“That’s… Wow. That’s unbelievable.” I can hear the icy tone to my voice, at odds with how my blood is boiling at the thought of Heidi moving back to the area. Or more specifically, the man who almost destroyed my family.
Thad fucking Marshall. The man I was shocked to discover was apparently the love of Heidi’s life all those years ago. I knew she had a boyfriend, but never in a million years did I think a sweet woman like her would be with a selfish, slimy asshole like him.
It might be strange to have such a strong reaction to the very thought of a man who, for all intents and purposes, hasn’t played a role — directly or indirectly — in your life for years. But no one in our family will forget the night Mom was paid a visit by a police officer who told her Dad had been hit by a drunk driver and was in the hospital. It took months of rehab for him to recover, and to this day, he still walks with a limp. The long days, visiting Dad in the ICU of this very hospital, wondering when the swelling on his brain would go down, and if he’d ever be the same, left a scar on all our souls.
For me, that day is burned into my memory for more than just the accident. I’ve carried an extra burden by myself for twelve years. Because the day Thad Marshall decided to drive home drunk from a liquid lunch with some coworkers was also the day I found out my girlfriend at the time betrayed me.
But right now, even that betrayal is overshadowed by the onslaught of memories that seeing Heidi is bringing up. She was with Thad when he weaseled his way out of taking accountability for what he did to my dad. His lawyer got him off on a technicality, never mind the fact that our family was never the same after.
It’s a special kind of asshole that can show absolutely no remorse and take no responsibility for something that was completely his fault. And she was with him through it all. Which makes her just as bad as him in my eyes.
Clarence is still talking, singing her praises, I’m guessing. I don’t give a fuck if she’s top of her class, I don’t want her anywhere near me. But I try to focus on what he’s saying, given the man is in charge of my paycheck.
“We’re thrilled to have her back with us, hopefully to stay, if I have anything to say about it. Now, Dr. Donnelly, you’ll have to excuse us. We’ve got some paperwork to attend to. Doctor Morgan has her first shift with you tomorrow.” Clarence claps me on the back. Normally, that wouldn’t make me budge, but I’m so off kilter, I actually stumble forward, catching myself on the counter just in time. But the action brings me close to her. Close enough to hear her intake of breath.
I back up instantly. It’s only as the two of them walk away that my brain catches up to something important.
Did he say her first shift with me?
Oh, fuck no.
“What’s got your tighty-whities in a wad?”
I almost spit out my beer when my younger brother Sawyer thumps me on the back before settling down on the stool next to me.
“And who said you could start drinking without us?” he asks indignantly.
I choose to ignore the second part of his question because I don’t exactly want to go there right now. Admitting that I came straight to the bar after my shift ended isn’t high on my to-do list tonight. That would be a dead giveaway to my brothers that something’s up. Hopefully, they don’t figure it out when I leave my car here tonight and take an Uber back to Westport. Because I’ve definitely had too much to drive safely.
“Really? Tighty-whities?”
“Sorry, are you more of a boxers kinda guy? It’s been a while since I saw your undies.” Sawyer signals to the owner of Hastings, the bar in Dogwood Cove I meet my brothers at every month. Dean, who we’ve known for years, gives him a nod.
“Are you two seriously talking about your underwear?” Sawyer’s twin, Beckett, comes up on my other side. “I came in at the wrong time.”
“Hey, we won’t tell anyone you starch yours.”
Beckett leans across the bar in front of me to smack his twin. “You’re an ass, Sawyer.”
“Nah, just the only one of us to have some fun.”
“Can we just drink beer and stop talking?” I say, fed up with Sawyer’s incessant antics and teasing. If ever there was a guy who needed to grow up, it’s him.
“Shit, settle down, old man.” Sawyer grumbles, but he does stop talking. And starts eating the wings I ordered when I got here. That keeps him occupied for a couple of minutes. “But really, why so grumpy? And why are these wings cold?”
“Wasn’t today the day for your big impressive speech to the new round of residents at the hospital?” Beckett asks innocently enough, but apparently, I’m shit at hiding my reactions tonight. I blame the shot of whiskey I had the second I sat down at the bar. Thank God it was a different bartender who served it, one who doesn’t know how out of character that was for me. Almost as out of character as showing up right after work, but I did at least have the forethought to change out of my scrubs before I left the hospital.
“Oh, fuck yeah, that’s it, Beck. It’s a resident. Let’s see, either they’re young and useless, or too cocky for their own good, or… Oh shit. You think one’s hot, don’t you?” Sawyer lets out an obnoxious hoot that has me wanting to just stand up and leave, except beer and nachos night is a monthly thing, and I love my brothers. Most of the time.
I pick up my phone and start rotating it in my hands.
“Max, what’s going on? You do seem kinda worked up about something,” Beckett asks, and I drop my phone. Fucking observant brother. But at least Beck is way more reasonable than his twin and knows when to just let something go. Which means, I might get out of this without revealing too much.
“Nothing,” I answer quickly, but Beckett just tilts his head. “Look, fine. There’s an issue with one of the residents. But it’s no big deal and I don’t want to talk about it. Just drop it, please.”
An issue. Yeah, that’s one way to put it. Normally, I don’t keep much from my brothers. But there’s not a chance in hell I’m telling the twins the issue I’m facing is that the guy who almost shattered our family is back in the area. Because if she’s back and wearing a ring, then he must be back.
“Sorry guys, I’m waiting on a new keg of Backwoods Amber Ale, so I had to dig in the back for some bottles.” Dean sounds harried as he slides three bottles of beer across the counter to us, and I nod at him, grateful for the interruption. Besides, there’s nothing better than a new parent to change the topic of conversation, and I plan on taking full advantage of Dean’s “new dad” status.
“No worries, man. Hey, how’s Riley and Zoey?”
“They’re great.” Dean’s face lights up as he pulls his phone out of his back pocket. He shows off several photos of his wife and their new baby girl, like the proud dad he is.
“Cute kid, Deano.”
Dean’s eyes cut to Sawyer, who had stolen a look over my shoulder. “What did I say the last time you tried to call me that, Donnelly?”
Sawyer winces. Well, well, this ought to be good; not much makes my cocky fucker of a brother react like that. But Dean measures six and a half feet and looks like a Viking with his long beard, making him intimidating, even to someone like Sawyer. “Sorry man, it slipped out. You need a nickname. I give everyone a nickname, you know that.”
